.. On seeing the hidden charms of life. .. from my substack
God has made it so.
The phrase such charms of life came to me on my way to Mass this past Sunday, 15 minutes before the feast of Christ the King in the Roman Calendar. This was after I found my earring.
I could offer you a litany of reasons as to how my life could be viewed upon as pathetic, but I guess I revel in our poverty of not having what everyone else has. We live simply and have a lot of kids, my husband and I thinking still we’re new at parenting, and then we view our marriage as kind of a new thing, too — as we grow older, it just changes, deepens.. it’s exciting, even though we’ve been married for many, many years. In many ways, we still are well aware of the fact that we don’t quite know what we’re doing, we don’t have everything planned out, and therein lies the charm of life: we’ve left a lot of space for God to do His holy work.
The life He has given us is charming. I view it as such.
Not in the overarching pain & trauma we’ve all been through (including that of my children), not in the loss of “what could have been” by the secular world’s standards, not in the absence of wealth, travel, objects, & experiences. All that is just random pages of our life, not at all the cover of My Book. I get the final say about the front image, the font, the layout, what the front will look like, the inside jack, the holy blurbs in the back, the orientation of the spine, even. What message do I — my family, the world, the Court of Heaven, even my God — want to see as my life sits high atop a bookshelf? Maybe I don’t want it sitting collecting dust. Maybe I want it read.. in a certain way.
The way I want to read it is dusted by God’s charm.
There’s the love He has gifted me, through my family, loved ones, and friends. There’s my beauty around me, what I see in the eyes of my children, the heart of my husband, the tranquility of my home. There’s the simplicity of laughter, of conversation, of sharing common interests (even different ones), and of basic living — praying, sleeping, eating, wondering, wandering, living, loving. The little things.
Good things.. and remembering where they come from the moment you notice them and appreciate them.
Pull back the curtain and see how Someone has thought of you.
Stop and ask why, of all the people in the world, He would do this just for you.
The particular and specialness of the thing, the object, the person, the passion, what and who it is, and how it got there to you, just for you.
I guess it’s gratitude? Perceiving the life God has given me this way — as fascinating, beautiful, worthy, gentle, thoughtful, selected, wonder-ful.. special, even though my life is not special. Many would say it’s boring and repetitive and corporate and contrived and controlled and very, very married with children. But I don’t see my life through the lens of the world, but through the eyes of my soul, knowing Who did all this for me.
I guess it’s seeing Who’s behind all this? And then reading into it. Seeing His thoughts behind it, His work, His effort to make me happy.. much the same way I would see my husband doing something for me, or something one of my children as done, or my friend.. for me. Little me who really doesn’t expect it.
I guess it’s a disinterested view, too? I remove myself from the equation, my involvement in all this, what I have done, what I have created, the work I do, the way I love, and I try to purely see what God sees in giiving to me. Little me who doesn’t quite deserve it.
I am at His mercy, and still, He takes the time to think of me, care for me, and Love me. And mine.
Dearest Lord, how generous is Your Majesty. I cherish those you’ve gifted me and sent my way. Give them what you’ve given me. Amen.
Non nobis, Domine, non nobis, sed nomini tuo da gloriam, 11.23.2020ii
What wilt thou that I should do to thee?
— Rabboni, that I may see.